Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

This is a two-part question type. Here you get asked two direct questions that you need to write two paragraphs answering each question in one of them. Bear in mind that, at times, you may be asked to provide your opinion in one of those paragraphs. Normally, this isn’t an opinion essay, but on some occasions, they can ask for your opinion. So, read the question carefully.

1. Introduction paragraph
2. Body paragraph one >> answer the first question
3. Body paragraph two >> answer the second question
4. Conclusion paragraph 

Model Answer 

The invention of smartphones has changed the world dramatically. Many young individuals consume too many hours staring at those bright colorful screens though. This essay is an attempt to shed light on the reasons behind this new addiction and how, in my opinion, it has negatively affected many lives.

Smartphone developers exquisitely create applications that are engaging. They compete over an individual’s attention to make money out of the ads displayed to users. They build algorithms that automate the process of understanding a user’s interests to keep showing them content that matches those interests. The victims of those techniques are the young generations who have never experienced life before smartphones. As a result, they continually keep scrolling down. Additionally, there is always the fear of missing out. This fear stems from having the social need to belong to a group of people. For example, a teenage student at a high school may need to follow up with the latest news and rumors that run in their school so that they can keep up with their social life. Thus, preadolescents are the ones who pay the utmost price for this advancement. 

The hallmark of this remarkable invention is, counter-intuitively, negative. Despite its obvious indispensable benefits, it brought a number of drawbacks. To illustrate, young individuals who are addicted to the usage of those gadgets have displayed symptoms similar to the addictive behavior of those who suffer from substance abuse. This is exemplified in their aggressive attitude towards whoever tries to take away those devices. Therefore, this development poses an unprecedented challenge to all caregivers.

To sum up, whereas this invention has been of great use to humanity, many youngsters fall victim to the influence of its enticing design which has resulted in dire consequences to many parents and care providers.

298 words

Band 7 Essay

Read the examiner’s comments:

1. Task Response: Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind smartphone addiction among young individuals and its negative effects. You present a clear stance and provide examples to support your argument, such as the engaging nature of smartphone applications and the fear of missing out. However, you could further elaborate on the impact of smartphone addiction on mental health and social relationships to strengthen your argument. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive analysis.

2. Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion through logical organization and paragraphing. Ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner, with transitions that guide the reader through your argument. However, there are a few instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother, particularly in transitioning between different points. Additionally, some sentences could be more varied in structure to improve overall coherence.

3. Lexical Resource: You exhibit a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay, with appropriate use of terms related to smartphone addiction and its effects. Your language is generally clear and precise, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical resources further. Additionally, consider avoiding repetitive phrases to maintain reader engagement.

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Your essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, with mostly error-free sentences. Complex sentence structures are used effectively, contributing to the overall coherence and clarity of the essay. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be revised for smoother communication.

Overall, your essay aligns well with the Band 7 criteria. It effectively addresses the prompt, demonstrates coherence and cohesion, exhibits a good range of vocabulary, and showcases solid grammatical accuracy. With some minor improvements in vocabulary variety, clarity of expression, and depth of analysis, your essay could potentially achieve a higher band score.