My main focus is to help you achieve between bands 7 to 7.5 in writing. It is quite challenging to achieve any higher if you have never studied in an English-speaking country. So, I am trying to keep this as realistic as possible without the promise of getting band 9 after reading a couple of my essays. 

Band descriptors are the measurement that all writing task 2 (and task 1) essays are evaluated upon. There are four main criteria as follows: task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy. 

Here, we are examining the second one: coherence and cohesion.

The band descriptor for band 7 in coherence and cohesion reads as the following:

1. Information and ideas are logically organized, and there is a clear progression throughout the response. (A few lapses may occur, but these are minor.)
2. A range of cohesive devices including reference and substitution is used flexibly but with some inaccuracies or some over/underuse.
3. Paragraphing is generally used effectively to support overall coherence, and the sequencing of ideas within a paragraph is generally logical.

Let us scrutinize each single point of the aforementioned conditions to achieving band 7.

1. Information and ideas are logically organized, and there is a clear progression throughout the response. (A few lapses may occur, but these are minor.)

This refers to the flow of the whole essay whether it is easy to follow or not. If your essay follows the logical structure based on its question type, this can help you score high in this criterion. This is why the thesis statements are especially important here. For example, the thesis statement below states that your essay will explore the reasons behind children’s addiction to smartphones first, and then mention how it has negatively affected their lives. If you swape the order of the organization of the essay, you will lose marks.

Question: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Thesis statement: This essay is an attempt to shed light on the reasons behind this new addiction and how, in my opinion, it has negatively affected many lives.

       2. A range of cohesive devices including reference and substitution is used flexibly but with some inaccuracies or some over/underuse.

Read the following portion of a paragraph answering the same question.

The victims of those techniques are the young generations who have never experienced life before smartphones. As a result, they continually keep scrolling down. Additionally, there is always the fear of missing out. This fear stems from having the social need to belong to a group of people. For example, a teenage student at a high school may need to follow up with the latest news and rumors that run in their school, so they can keep up with their social life. Thus, preadolescents are the ones who pay the utmost price for this advancement. 

All of the highlighted words and phrases are cohesive devices. The use of words like “they”, “those” and “this” is called referencing and substitution while phrases such as “as a result”, “additionally”, “for example”, and “thus” are called cohesive devices or linking words.

         3. Paragraphing is generally used effectively to support overall coherence, and the sequencing of ideas within a paragraph is generally logical.

This is explained in how we present the progression of our ideas within a paragraph. The question below asks for reasons behind a phenomenon. So, within the first body paragraph, we presented two reasons while developing each idea. We could write either a single-idea body paragraph or a double-idea body paragraph. We still have to develop and support each idea with logical extensions and examples. (Learn how to write a paragraph here.)

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Why is this the case?

Smartphone developers exquisitely create applications that are engaging. They compete over an individual’s attention to make money out of the ads displayed to users. They build algorithms that automate the process of understanding a user’s interests to keep showing them content that matches those interests. The victims of those techniques are the young generations who have never experienced life before smartphones. As a result, they continually keep scrolling down. Additionally, there is always the fear of missing out. This fear stems from having the social need to belong to a group of people. For example, a teenage student at a high school may need to follow up with the latest news and rumors that run in their school so that they can keep up with their social life. Thus, preadolescents are the ones who pay the utmost price for this advancement. 

Check out the full essay below and read the examiner’s comment on why it achieved band 7.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.

Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The invention of smartphones has changed the world dramatically, many young individuals consume too many hours staring at those bright colorful screens, though. This essay is an attempt to shed light on the reasons behind this new addiction and how, in my opinion, it has negatively affected many lives.

Smartphone developers exquisitely create applications that are engaging. They compete over an individual’s attention to make money out of the ads displayed to users. They build algorithms that automate the process of understanding a user’s interests to keep showing them content that matches those interests. The victims of those techniques are the young generations who have never experienced life before smartphones. As a result, they continually keep scrolling down. Additionally, there is always the fear of missing out. This fear stems from having the social need to belong to a group of people. For example, a teenage student at a high school may need to follow up with the latest news and rumors that run in their school so that they can keep up with their social life. Thus, preadolescents are the ones who pay the utmost price for this advancement. 

The hallmark of this remarkable invention is, counter-intuitively, negative. Despite its obvious indispensable benefits, it brought a number of drawbacks. To illustrate, young individuals who are addicted to the usage of those gadgets have displayed symptoms similar to the addictive behavior of those who suffer from substance abuse. This is exemplified in their aggressive attitude towards whoever tries to take away those devices. Therefore, this development poses an unprecedented challenge to all caregivers.

To sum up, whereas this invention has been of great use to humanity, many youngsters fall victim to the influence of its enticing design which has resulted in dire consequences to many parents and care providers.

The examiner’s comments

Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion through logical organization and paragraphing. Ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner, with transitions that guide the reader through your argument. However, there are a few instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother, particularly in transitioning between different points. Additionally, some sentences could be more varied in structure to improve overall coherence.