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Cambridge IELTS 15, Test 4, Task 2 Model Answer
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
This is a discussion essay that, plainly, asks you to provide the advantages and disadvantages of a notion. It is better in this type of essay to provide two ideas per paragraph rather than one idea such as other question types.
Here is the structure for such a question type.
- Introduction paragraph
- Body paragraph one >> The advantages
- Body paragraph two >> The disadvantages
- Conclusion paragraph
Model Answer
Children should always be encouraged to fulfill their utmost potential. In many modern cultures, continuous encouragement is a scientifically proven pedagogical approach to rearing children. While there are benefits to this, drawbacks, unfortunately, subsist. Both the merits and demerits of this issue will be thoroughly explained in the following lines.
To start with, child-rearing experts have explicitly concluded after years of scrutiny that continuous support from parents to their offspring has a positive impact on their future success. The implied message that children can achieve all that they desire with persistence and hard work has resulted in many individuals successfully pursuing unpaved paths and overcoming life’s inescapable hurdles. After all, those who believe they can are the ones who are capable of achieving something great. This is crystal clear in the contradistinction of those who have the required skills and abilities but with low self-esteem; they end up achieving little if anything at all because they were never taught to have faith in their capabilities.
On the other hand, there are two main downsides to this approach. Firstly, is that some of those can be illusioned, believing they have talents they do not have. If a child is encouraged to sing to perform a specific genre of art while they do not have the basic talents and skills for such careers, they are set to failure and disappointment. Secondly, many people ignore environmental and circumstantial conditions. There are other factors than innate abilities such as the surrounding environment that may not be equipped with the proper nurture for such a skill. Another issue is exemplified in the external circumstances that can hinder a person from proceeding such as the loss of a beloved one, or the eruption of war. These examples may seem unlikely, but recent events have proven that they are more common than we may think.
To reiterate, raising children on the belief of being unstoppable could have its own merits and influence on society as a whole, yet, many struggles can come out of such a notion.
339 words
Band 7 Essay
Read the examiner’s comments:
Task Response: Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits and drawbacks of continuously encouraging children to fulfill their potential. You present a clear stance and provide examples to support your argument, such as the positive impact of encouragement on future success and the potential pitfalls of unrealistic expectations. However, you could further elaborate on the potential long-term effects of continuous encouragement on children’s self-esteem and psychological well-being to strengthen your argument. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion through logical organization and paragraphing. Ideas are presented in a clear and organized manner, with transitions that guide the reader through your argument. However, there are a few instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother, particularly in transitioning between different points. Additionally, some sentences could be more varied in structure to improve overall coherence.
Lexical Resource: You exhibit a good range of vocabulary throughout the essay, with appropriate use of terms related to child-rearing and psychological development. Your language is generally clear and precise, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical resources further. Additionally, consider avoiding repetitive phrases to maintain reader engagement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Your essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation, with mostly error-free sentences. Complex sentence structures are used effectively, contributing to the overall coherence and clarity of the essay. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be revised for smoother communication.
Overall, your essay aligns well with the Band 7 criteria. It effectively addresses the prompt, demonstrates coherence and cohesion, exhibits a good range of vocabulary, and showcases solid grammatical accuracy. With some minor improvements in vocabulary variety, clarity of expression, and depth of analysis, your essay could potentially achieve a higher band score.